..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
