he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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