Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
