I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
