Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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