The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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