he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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