I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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