Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
