Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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