So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
