Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
