Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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