last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
