also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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