I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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