I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
