Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Holy sore nipples Batman
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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