I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
