thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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