the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
