somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
