He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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