it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
