you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
