I cannot find my penis.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
