So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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