im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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