wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
