So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
