We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
