Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
