if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
