just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
