the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i've created a new STD.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
