It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
