a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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