This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
