So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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