I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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