so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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