apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
