uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
