somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
