Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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