i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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