shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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