Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
