BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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