tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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