his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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