Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
